Disgruntled Days...

I woke-up this morning feeling disgruntled. Disgruntled at nothing and everything. Disgruntled at our stupid cat for trying to paw its way through our closed bedroom door at 5am. Disgruntled at our central AC house for always feeling hot in the morning, no matter how cold we turn it down. Disgruntled at our tempurpedic bed, because I’m pretty sure it’s the main culprit for hoarding all the heat in our bodies and then allowing it to linger there in bed.

Disgruntled at the time, for being late and not early, when I wasn’t suppose to sleep in today. Disgruntled at our annoying toilet that always makes sounds like the ocean and Tiger for always sitting in the bathroom watching it, hoping to see it get up and walk away. Disgruntled at my miserable feet for being covered in blisters and aching even though I have to run another 5 miles today.

Disgruntled at my silly husband who at 3 in the morning abruptly turned, leaned over me, and said, “tough, tough, tough, tough, tough” in his most annoyed voice, then resumed to steal all the blankets off of me, and turned back over the opposite way. Disgruntled that I felt amused (he was dead asleep) until I realized he wasn’t budging on the covers thing and I froze the rest of the night. sigh.

I think your suppose to have a bible study, or pray, or meditate for a while, when you wake-up feeling disgruntled at the world. That probably would have been a better idea than my decision, to sit on the couch and sulk.

Our women’s bible study is doing the Beth Moore study on the book of Esther. The bible study is called, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman”. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy a bible study focused on the “toughness” of being a woman. Not that I don’t find it tough to be a woman, on the contrary, I find it extremely tough being a woman, especially on certain days out of each month. But I grew up hearing over and over and over again that men and women are equals. That women are capable of doing all the things men can, and vice versa. That yes, God created us uniquely, but that He also created us equally. That God can call women, equip women, and send women, just as He does for men.

So I tend to shy away from the studies that place women in the “delicate flower” roles. The high heels, make-up, sit at home and watch the children play around your legs while never getting one hair out of order, type bible studies. I’m just not a big fan, because honestly it hasn’t been the reality I’ve seen so far. Although, if you are that woman, more power to you!

Anyways, I’m quickly learning that Esther wasn’t that woman, and that God still used her in a very mighty way. It’s a good reminder that God continues to call women to do mighty things. Just as God called Esther to change the course of history, to encourage a people who felt forgotten and scattered and lost, to remind them that God still cares, that they are still God’s people even in the midst of exile, even when they felt abandoned.

And in that sense, it’s a good reminder for me, that God can still use me, even when I feel lost, abandoned, or forgotten by God or those around me. The book of Esther reminds me, that even in the mundane, trivial, disgruntled days, God can still use me in mighty ways, to do mighty things for His kingdom, and fortunately that doesn’t require me to be mighty. It only requires me to have faith the size of a mustard seed (Mt. 17:20), and to seek God with all my heart. Those are two things I think I can handle, even on disgruntled days.