It’s 5am and I’ve been awake for the last two hours, which means since I fell asleep around midnight, I’ve had about three hrs of sleep. I’ve been lying in bed for the past two hours thinking of the normal things I think about when I can’t sleep. Wondering if astronauts are in space right at this very moment, wondering why the fire alarm above me keeps turning from green to red back to green again, wondering if my legs might really fall off if they stay in one place for too long, wondering if the house caught on fire which window I would jump out of and which one I would throw Tiger (our cat) out of, wondering if lack of sleep really equates to less years of life. If this is true, then I calculate that I’ve already lost about 10 years of my life, and at the rate I’m going I might be dead by the age of 50. These are the thoughts of an insomniac. Sleeplessness has become a hobby for me. In fact, I could probably win a gold medal for sleepless nights. Not that I don’t love to sleep, in fact it is one of my most treasured things in the world. If I had to choose sleeping over anything, food, water, shelter, friends, family, heck, even sex, sleeping would always come in first place. But that’s the irony of an insomniac, they love to sleep, they just can’t actually make themselves do it. Normally, after all these thoughts have gone through my head I begin to rehash the conversations of the day, the things I should of said or would have said had I been quick enough on my toes. The interviews I bombed, the words of encouragement I didn’t share, the grace I could have given more of… this can go on for hours. Eventually, I realize my tossing and turning is keeping Tim awake and so I attempt to gracefully exit the bed without him noticing. Sometimes he catches me and forces me to “try harder”, luckily tonight he didn’t =). I don’t think I could have handle another minute starring up at the ceiling wondering if it might snow today. Hopefully, one day I will learn the art of sleeping, or maybe just find the magic key that will turn my brain off, OR just find a really good doctor that will prescribe me blissful sleeping pills!
Well, I hear Tim’s alarm, which means he’ll be looking for me very soon. I better rap up this session before he finds me “not trying” again. From one insomniac to another, peaceful dreams, or thoughts of dreams.
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3 comments:
I TOTALLY understand. Lately I've been making my escapes too. Andy likes me to be in the bed with him, and I definitely would prefer that, but it gets so old just lying there bored out of my mind. My escape is either to the computer or the couch for another session of Friends reruns. So next time I'm awake, I'll pray you are getting sleep.
don't you hate that when that happens. On nights that i HAVE to sleep i take advil pm (i know your husband hates that).
This made me die laughing. I can just imagine you laying there legitimately throwing all these questions out into the universe. When Ryan can't sleep I always tell him to imagine he's on an island by the water. He tells me to keep my psycho babel to myself. NOW you can go to the island and tell me if it really works!!! I hope the waves will put you to sleep. If not, keep writing. You're always more funny when you first wake up.
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